Father and Son

Oh I know that I provided 
the mandatory basics:
food, clothing, shelter.
But it goes beyond that:
it’s about the wonder
of observing development,
watching the dawn
of understanding.
And feeling your delight and joy,
aching with your pain, 
and waiting with your anger:
about trying to give
some small insight
into me,
so that you could, knowing me,
recognise more of you.
And keeping a constant supply
of love for you,
stressing its vital importance
in life.

But we never played sports,
(I was not that kind of dad)
and I fear that I neglected
to give you choice.
We never spent close time together,
(you were as solitary as I)
and I feel we missed something
that we were too privately busy
to find together.
And, in asking what you thought,
I listened, but never really heard,
the marvel that is you.

You were older than I thought
in your life,
and,
now that you have grown,
I find myself searching
for your lost youth.
And wondering if the pain 
of our separation
will ever fade.