I had one of those “moments” this morning; a moment of profound and peaceful realisation. Charlotte Church was singing the beautiful “Carrickfergus” on the Big Magical Wall Screen.
The plaintive and nostalgic words brought the realisation that so many of my friends, relatives, and acquaintances long for a return to past days: days of childhood, the teenaged years, the years of young adulthood, the days when their children were babies, or the days when the kids first went to school; days when parents and grandparents were alive:-to quote The Moody Blues, “The Days of Future Passed”. A longed-for return to a simpler past.
In thrall to the music, I reviewed a hardscrabble childhood on the Shore, followed by near poverty in Timmins. A childhood of taunts from peers, because of my accent, because of my poverty, because, it seemed, simply for being me. Confused teenaged years with no sense of direction, no understanding of who I was, or where I was going. Confused with the happiness that some found with a religion that I could not accept or understand. It seemed that my life was simply a stumbling along, without the tools, the education, the understanding, to ensure a future niche of belonging and contentment.
As I reviewed the long journey, I realised that of course there were good times, there were numerous treasures for the soul along the way, but there was always the feeling, the knowledge that there had to be more to it all than what I had seen so far.
And there was. I realise now that, waiting for me here on my hill, was my destination: that place to which my body and my mind, my very essence, had always been bound. Here is where I want to be. Here is where I am supposed to be. Here is where I have found myself. I can, from this nexus, review all the aspects of my past. I can revel in all that is, be astounded by all the endless variations that are. I can study, meditate, accept and discard.
I can be. Here. Now.
Thank you, Charlotte.
Listen to Charlotte sing at this link...
Carrickfergus
